The Weeks Before Birth
The last few weeks before the birth of your child is often considered the most challenging of your entire pregnancy. It is the time between who you once were, and who you are about to become. By this time you have already decorated the nursery, packed your bag for the hospital, loaded your freezer with meals, washed all of your new baby clothes, and are just waiting… and waiting… and waiting.
The last weeks of pregnancy are physically demanding. You feel tired and uncomfortable. You start to experience the full weight of carrying your baby. You may be feeling the pressure of that weight pushing down on your pubic bone or in your back. You may be experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions or even the first unorganized labor contractions. You're often feeling hot and maybe a bit swollen. You simply cannot find a comfortable position to rest in.
These last weeks of pregnancy are emotionally challenging as well. Your body is flooded with an enormous amount of hormones in preparation for labor and delivery. You have hormones to relax your muscles and joints, hormones for contractions, and hormones that make you feel open and vulnerable so that you can bond with your new baby after birth. By the end of each day, you may be feeling as if you have been on an emotional roller coaster. You swing rapidly between irritable, frustrated, anxious, excited, scared, and overjoyed. You may find yourself sitting in your car in a puddle of tears thinking labor will surely never start, and you even start to doubt your body’s ability to give birth to your baby.
Throughout your third trimester, you have had things to do, a way to prepare for your newborn. Most likely you have been working through a giant checklist of things that must be completed before their arrival. But now your checklist is complete, and just like when you are actually in labor you must be passive and surrender to the process. You can not control the time of your little one’s arrival and that is so hard for most of us (me too!). The release of control and the inability to know for sure exactly when our baby will come is scary for most people. Many of us use control and planning as tools in our lives to help manage our anxiety, and birth is simply something that can not be planned.
Time starts to no longer feel linear. It feels sort of like a slingshot, where everything slows down and is pulled back. The target seems to be drawn farther away and the tension starts to build. But just like a slingshot the moment of birth will catapult time forward at such a rapid pace that everything will swiftly pass in a blur. It is as if you blink and you are suddenly sitting on your couch with a two-week-old baby wondering where on earth the time has gone. As your doula, I am often arriving at your postpartum appointment sharing the photos that I took on the day of your birth and inevitably every mom says “How very surreal, I don’t remember most of this. It is as if it happened so long ago”.
My advice for all birthing individuals who are in their last few weeks of pregnancy is to enjoy the pause. Learn to stay in the moment and embrace this time you have. Honor who you have been in this life. Reflect on all that has brought you to this pivotal place. Breathe in the warmth and fullness of being pregnant with this baby. Recognize the sensations of being connected. Go on a date with your partner and celebrate these last moments together before your family expands, and let the oxytocin flow. Eat at your favorite restaurant and relish in the fact that your baby has probably dropped by now and is giving you more room to fill your stomach with food. Indulge in a massage, focus on the touch and allow the tension to escape from every pore knowing that it is helpful to be soft in labor so that you can dilate and bring your baby down. Recognize that all of the things that you are feeling now will be mirrored in your labor and notice how you are coping with these feelings. Acknowledge all of the truly amazing things your body has done up to this point and know that it will continue to do amazing and powerful things.
I find that the most important tools to cope with labor are patients, your ability to trust yourself (your body, and intuition), your ability to relax your body and mind and not be overly affected by anxiety (or anxiety mimicking hormones), and your ability to surrender to the process of your labor (release your need to control it). I feel that your last few weeks of pregnancy are absolutely training you and your body to do these things in your labor and delivery. Growth is often uncomfortable and you are growing the skills needed for birth. So acknowledge that it sucks and then embrace the lessons. You are almost there.